One Mother's Thoughts on Time Spent on the Computer
Nothing causes a mother to prioritize her time more than a newborn. Leisure time being a precious commodity, activities that were once easily enjoyed quickly become rare opportunities. This realization hit me last week as I was trying to clean out my inbox by responding to a long list of neglected emails. I sat on my bed, baby nursing in my lap and lap top before me. Typing with one hand and holding a baby in one arm, I unsuccessfully gave half of my attention to my baby and the other half to my email.
Babies know when they are being partially tended and Zoe soon let me know. I finally shut my laptop. The adult that was waiting for an email response was capable of waiting. The immediate needs of my baby could not.
The topic of one of the most common questions I receive from the readers of this blog revolves around the management of computer time. "How much time do you spend on the computer?" "How much time do you spend on your blog?" "How much time do you spend reading other blogs?" In response to this repeated question I would simply say that I am certainly no one's role model and for that reason I have been giving serious thought to managing my own time on the computer.
Struggling to avoid extremes, I don't think the answer to the problem (or potential problem) is shutting down the computer completely. Having done that in the past, I find it increasingly difficult to live my life without my computer. For one thing the management of my household is tied into my laptop. On top of online bill paying and an electronic register for our bank accounts, my menu plans, lesson plans, homemaking routines and our family calendar are all kept in iCal. It's a tool that I cannot duplicate on pen and paper. Of course, I could live without it, but I have no desire to willingly complicate my life by doing so.
In addition to the practical side of organization, I have older children who are enrolled in academic courses and extracurricular activities that require me to regularly check my email. Most people rely on email for sharing information and organizing events. As a mother with six children it is always easier to communicate through email. Being able to come and go from reading or composing a message (which is how I am writing such a long post), my ability to stay in contact with others is greatly benefited by email. On the flip side, my ability to get to the phone is almost nonexistent. (I can't even count the number of phone calls that I need to return at this moment. It's a terrible feeling.)
When considering prioritizing one's time, the first consideration is necessity. Where does Google Reader and Facebook fit into the category of need? I have wrestled with this question for some time now and as much as I hate to admit it, the online community fills a need in my life. Being a stay-home mother as well as a mother who educates her own children, modern life can be downright isolating. The children have their classes and activities, but those things are not about me. As the children are enjoying their social outlets I am, for the most part, a taxi driver. Stimulating social time for mom, it is not.
Nothing makes this isolation more obvious than observing the traditional 40 days after childbirth as an Orthodox Christian in the modern world. Is there another stay-home mother on my street? I really couldn't tell you. When the sun comes up each morning the people in our neighborhood flee the vicinity like cockroaches upon seeing a bright light. Our outside activities take up all of the time that we can spare from concentrating on our lessons at home. If I want to have daily interaction with like-minded women, the online community best meets that need.
Like all good things, we have a tendency in our fallen state to make the goods of creation an end in themselves. Food is good and necessary for our existence, yet we must moderate our intake lest we become consumed by the passion of gluttony. Likewise the online community is a good thing, but we can become so consumed in the activity that we neglect our own needs as well as the needs of those around us. Hoping to strike a healthy balance between my needs as a person for communion with others and the needs I must and want to meet in the lives of my family members, I have come up with a few personal guidelines for managing my time on the computer.
No NAK
NAK is online slang for "nursing at keyboard." I've made this mistake in the past. I won't do it again. The amount of time I spend nursing my newborn is tremendous. If I used every nursing session as a chance to check email, Facebook or Google Reader I would be on the computer for most of the day and night. Nursing is a special time to bond with one's baby, building the foundation for a lifelong relationship. I can't bond and build anything if I'm balancing a nursing baby on an elbow and knee and staring at a screen.
For those frequent times when the baby is peacefully nursing and I have moments to myself, I have left my Horologion (Book of Hours), a Prayer Rope and a glass of water on the small table next to my rocking chair. Nighttime nursing is an opportunity to keep vigil. The grace acquired from spending those quiet moments in prayer will most definitely spiritually benefit my nursing baby as well.
No Computer Until After Morning Prayers.
Period.
Fasting
As Orthodox Christians we fast every Wednesday and Friday. This puts a significant restraint on the foods we are able to consume (no meat, fish, eggs, dairy, wine or oil) as well as the amount of food we consume. But as the Fathers teach, even the demons fast from food. In their words, a physical fast divorced from prayer is the fast of demons. It seems to me that on Wednesday and Friday it would be far more beneficial to spend those spare moments that I tend to use on the computer as opportunities to concentrate on spiritual reading.
Slimming Down Google Reader
How many blogs am I subscribed to in Google Reader? Ten. That's it. Anything more would take too much of my time. Am I going to miss ideas, inspiration and the opportunity to form more relationships with other like-minded women? Yes, I am sure of it. Although I hate to miss out on those beautiful things, my children would miss me far more if I my Reader was bulging with unread posts.
I recently opened a Facebook account. I admit that in the first few days I thought it not only a visual train wreck, but a complete waste of time. After a week and realizing that I am now keeping in better touch with the people in my real life (family and friends), I am beginning to enjoy it. The downfall of Facebook is its ability to suck away one's time at alarming rates. Therefore it seems to me that the best way to use Facebook without it completely using you is to only spend time communicating with real people and passing on the many other features found therein. The many facets of Facebook can consume large quantities of time. I spent a few minutes last week playing around with the different quizzes and such. It was a waste.
No quizes, no polls, no games. At the end of my life I am sure that I will not be pondering my results of the online quiz "What kind of deli sandwich are you?"
Prioritizing Emails
I installed a comment system on my blog that I believe better facilitates conversation. I do not have a blog so that I have a soap box or a podium, rather, I have a blog for sharing. It's about being part of a community of other women whom I wish were my next door neighbors. On the flip side, I took down my email link on my blog. I want to be able to answer questions and continue conversations, but I can't do so without stealing time away from my family. With the new comment system I think a reasonable amount of conversation can take place on the pages of the blog. Comments and replies to them are always more succinct and take far less time. I would love to be able to correspond with and get to know the readers of my blog. I think the enhanced comment box is the way to do that. (Of course, this must be done in moderation as well. I don't do message boards any more and I'm not interested in moderating one.) In the end, not wanting to hurt others who have reached out to me, the overflowing email folder weighs on me. It's bad enough to have an inbox of messages from family and friends that sit for a week.
I have had a change of thought on this. Please read The Battle of the Box.
How do you manage your time on the computer?
